Oswald Chambers writes, "It takes Almighty grace to take the next step when there is no vision and no spectator - the next step in devotion, the next step in your study, in your reading, in your kitchen; the next step in your duty, when there is no vision from God, no enthusiasm and no spectator. It takes far more of the grace of God, far more conscious drawing upon God to take that step than it does to preach the Gospel" (March 6 My Utmost for His Highest). More than any other time in my life I understand this level of drudgery. More than any other time in my life I feel my walk becoming menial, tedious, hard work. I believed for a time that I was certain of the path God had prepared for me. Yet, circumstances often lead us to a place of uncertainty, especially when faith is at stake. These are the times when no one is looking, no spectator exists to visibly witness manifestations of our faith, no vision persists to encourage and drive our future steps. Times such as these cause me to wonder without purpose, to question every moment and ask "where are You?" But if good may be taken from any period of struggle or discouragement it is this: when faith becomes drudgery, we very often seek God more earnestly.
To explain I offer the personal account. Throughout my life I have sought a place to be "plugged in" in service to my church, my community, and my family. As a teacher, I know that God uses me daily to help guide young people to an absolute morality. I know that I serve my wife and child daily by doing the little things and attempting to demonstrate my love to them in every possible way. I know that these are areas of life given over to Christ and I work as to serve the Lord in all that I do. Yet, when it comes to serving my church I have given up. I go, listen, question, analyze, agree, disagree, and leave without ever saying a word. Over the years I have come to the conclusion that, perhaps, God doesn't use someone like me, at least not at Church. I know that I have developed a knowledge of things through my study of literature and through my personal study of scripture and theology. I have some interesting insights into scripture and I know that God has gifted me in this area. Not that I would ever profess intellectual superiority in this area. (I mean, I can barely spell.) But I would say that I know a little more than most, enough to be dangerous, and I have a passion for learning more even if I have to do it on my own. I am not daunted by numerous books, articles, devotionals and the occasional pieces of bad writing and the more often publicized sources of bad teaching that exist. I love that sites such Monergism.com and PuritanLibrary.com exist.(Monergism is the doctrine that the Holy Ghost acts independently of the human will in the work of regeneration or being born again.)To make a long story short, I think that God has given me a talent and I am looking for a place to use it and I don't think it's the height of hubris to say so and I think there is more than one other person in this world who feels the same.
And it's this perception of the unused to which Chambers writes. The more I think about my circumstances the more I realize that God is preparing me for something. I don't know what or when or how or why but I know that God has a plan. This is why it takes more grace, more of a "conscious drawing upon God to take the next step, than it does to preach the Gospel." It takes perseverance during these times when we must draw upon God. It during these persevering times that we deepen our understanding and knowledge of Him. When we feel neglected and forgotten, we often call out to Him the most. And it is these simple acts which are intended to regain the favor of God that prepare us for what God has next. This is why this period of my life has been amazing. By that I mean I am writing a blog very few read but every typed letter of every word is one more letter deeper into the knowledge and understanding of my God. I don't believe that God has called me to go knock on doors, go to foreign countries, or write the next great theological discourse of our age, but He has called me to know Him. (At some point I will have to write about "know" Him.) And I believe that He has called me to help others know Him.
It's Pink that writes "The foundation of all true knowledge of God must be a clear mental apprehension of His perfections as revealed in Holy Scripture. An unknown God can neither be trusted, served, nor worshipped (The Attributes of God6).(I know, but that's how Pink spells it.)This is why times of drudgery are so important to our faith. Yet, we seldom take advantage of the down to time to do the menial, labor intensive tasks involved in developing a "clear mental apprehension of His perfections as revealed in Holy Scripture." Who really wants to dive into a book called An Introduction to New Testament Theology which doesn't translate the Greek. (Gives new meaning to the idiom.)But this work is so important to our lives, our faith, that it is worth the trouble and the time. I think R. C. Sproul is right to say that we have all been called to be amateur theologians. As Christians we should be engaged in the study of our faith as one who engages in study for pleasure than for gain. In some way, I think this is a manifestation of our love for Christ; when we feel unused, forgotten, neglected, we use the opportunity to get to know Him better so that when the opportunity does arise, we are ready "to give an answer for the hope that is in us." I also think this is why Peter writes 2 Peter 1:3-11:
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
Notice the uses of knowledge. We have everything we need through our "knowledge of Him." Do we ever think about what that means? I know lots of stuff, mostly useless, but many things are stuffed into my head. Knowing these things does not give me insight into the universe, life, or a deeper understanding anything particular. Yet, knowledge of Christ gives us everything for "life and godliness." Knowing Christ deeply, intimately opens the door to the freedom to live our lives exactly how God wants us to. Knowing Him gives us insight into the inner workings of the universe, human nature, the mind, the heart, and the soul. All the things we naturally seek to know we can know by getting to know Christ. We can even answer the inconceivable question, "what is the meaning of life?" We are not without answers when we seek to know Christ deeply.
Second, notice the list which we must add to our faith: goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, love. I notice that whenever Paul writes of faith he mentions perseverance. I also notice that knowledge is at the top of the list. Without knowledge we can neither persevere nor be godly. The more we understand and have a clear conception of God the more we understand that He's not out to get us. We know that He works as He will and we cannot change it. It as if knowledge subverts petulance. No, knowledge does subvert petulance. Knowledge makes men and women of God who are able to overcome the most severe of circumstances. And when every struggle is overcome our knowledge is deepened. Think of the trials of Job. When he came out on the other side he knew God more clearly and deeply. Think of the Israelites wondering the desert for forty years. God used this time to prepare them to conquer Canaan and to teach total dependence. The more we know, the more we are able to endure. The more we endure, the more we are able to know. I guess it's one of God's crazy cycles of growing.
But, I'm just sayin is all.
